


Lock and Keep

by qolden



Series: Misc. Oneshots [1]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda, Other, Panic Attacks, Team as Family, Time Skips, i love u..., nerris doesn't understand this stuff but shes trying!!!, rip harrison, there's a bit of violence but it doesnt fit the "graphic descriptions" thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23714032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qolden/pseuds/qolden
Summary: Maybe he wanted to disappear.
Relationships: Harrison & Nerris (Camp Camp), No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Misc. Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707955
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	Lock and Keep

Harrison always had a complicated relationship with touch.

When he’d been younger, his jumpiness had been more of an unnatural instinct. He could never guess why, though his general assumption was because of how genuinely  _ magical  _ he was. He’d been a prodigy in a way that bent all societal norms, more energized and powerful than what anyone had ever seen. He didn’t know if it actually affected how he felt, but it was a nice excuse to make anyway.

He’d been aware of it, too, almost sickeningly so, but he’d always pushed his limits to hear his parents cheer. Even if it hurt.

Until he’d become a failure, accepting and cheerful and happy with where he was. He pushed boundaries that did something truly  _ awful _ , doing something he’d never even assumed was possible _.  _ Magic or not, that’d changed everything.

_ (Waiting in the station as his parents chattered, hearing the warbling horror in their tones. He’d clutched the cold cushion of his chair, kicking his legs, and refused to meet their eyes. So desperately clinging to the concept of hope that he’d do anything to achieve it. _

_ They’d gone home, after hours of fear and argument. They’d never stopped searching, and the only times they’d touched Harrison had been cold and detached. Not to mention brief, as if they’d touched him, Harrison would use his magic and kill them. Harrison read the situation well, and it’d destroyed him. _

_ At midnight, as his parents cried themselves to sleep, Harrison pulled an all-nighter, fearfully and desperately attempting to do something, anything to bring him back. Pulling on every reach of his magic possible until tears of frustration sprung in his eyes. At three in the morning, he’d vomited, feeling a sour sense of dread. _

_ No matter what he did, he’d always be a failure. He sat there in the dim lights of the kitchen until the next morning, where his parents didn’t touch him at all.) _

After that situation, things had changed, especially with his regard to physical touch. In public he’d kept his magic under lock and keep - he’d learned his lesson, at least. Attention generally only lead to negativity, even if it was positive. In publicity, he’d only become meeker and shy away from touch, even if there was no discernable reason to.

No more excuses. Excuses only lead to loss.

It’d somehow also managed to attract unwarranted attention, and that’d changed… a lot more. At home, his parents would jump away from him and barely initiate physical contact. Sometimes when Harrison offered, they’d look at him softly and hug him, but it was so uncomfortable and detached that every time Harrison would cry to himself an hour later. Every time he wouldn’t be able to keep himself together.

It wasn’t much better at school, either. Apparently he’d been a perfect target, as the shy, thin powerless little boy who didn’t know how to talk to people. Friendless, he’d found himself cornered as people would take their anger out on him. Rarely it’d get physical, but after those situations, his natural response to something as simple as being touched would make him flinch violently. He couldn’t help it - it was instinctual, and there were no excuses.

So he avoided touch entirely. The key he’d kept to himself had briefly (for reasons he’d never make excuses for) was only looked at with resentment. He’d thrown it, deep into the lake, never to be accessed for hundreds of years. Maybe after he was dead, someone would find it, dig up the cold case of little blue boy Harrison, unable to save his own brother from himself. Maybe it’d become a tale told to children everywhere - where he’d be the villain, just like he deserved.

Part of him wanted it. Maybe then, just then, people would actually talk about him. Maybe people would actually  _ fear _ him.

Things had changed very quickly one day when his parents had put his hands on his shoulders. Guided him to the living room, sat him down, and though their fear would never truly be gone, they’d talked through something they’d found. A magic camp, apparently, one to properly control and fix his powers.

All of him wanted that. Maybe if he could control his powers, he could do something right for once. Maybe he could face it head-on, and fix it. Maybe there were even others like him, and maybe, just maybe… he could bring him back.

_ (“What camp are you from, bud?” The redhead counselor asked, even though it was obvious, and Harrison knew he’d seen the form. _

_ He conjured a key in his mind, using magic he didn’t know still existed outside of his prison, and hesitantly unlocked it. Even then, he suppressed it, made sure to keep it unsure and mingled. Just so he wouldn’t mess up.” _

_ “Magic,” he replied. His voice a quiet, broken whisper.) _

Anxiety be damned, all he’d wanted was applause.

Harrison had told himself he’d  _ never  _ wanted people to pay attention to him again (he was lying. He had to stop lying.) because it was frightening. Last time, he’d run his mouth. He’d gotten cocky, and he’d fucked up. But when he’d finally started using that sloppy and unpracticed magic, and people had approached him in various words of wonder, he’d felt a surge of confidence.  _ That.  _ He’d missed that.

All of that fear and anxiety melted away into confidence, and he’d done the same thing as before. A cloud blotted into that euphoria, and Harrison wouldn’t stand for it. So blind-sighted by everything, he’d used a spell. It was supposed to be one that didn’t do much except make Neil a bit nauseous for a few hours, but… he’d fucked up again.

He watched as everyone smiled, laughed, moved on, and how Max stared up at him with a brief expression of  _ fear  _ etched in his features. The way he’d looked around at everyone like he was prone to attack, and Harrison could notice the exact moment Max expressed panic, the exact moment he fled to go figure things out on his own, not trusting enough to speak to anyone.

_ (“Welcome to hell,” Max had patted him on the back, and Harrison couldn’t stop himself violently flinching, leaping back. There was a small frown on the smaller kid’s lips, but it was brief as he barreled on. “I’d say I was your tour guide or some shit, but David seems more focused on that.” _

_ David said something cheery that Harrison didn’t pick up on, and Max pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose, slumped his shoulders and then put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He looked over Harrison with something fierce and cold, something that sucked the breath out of his lungs, and turned and walked away with another word. _

_ The encounter just left him awe-struck.) _

Hours later, Harrison found himself trembling in his tent. His body wracked with tremors, the way he held himself, desperately grappling the key he’d forgotten about in his mind. He’d fucked up, he’d  _ messed up badly,  _ and he’d done the one thing he’d been trying so hard  _ not  _ to do. He’d hurt someone, and he was too messed up to say anything to anyone. They wouldn’t understand.

That horrifying shivering turned to something fierce and uncontrollable - for a moment, a deep burning rage exploded within him. A realization, perhaps, a powerful feeling of self-blame that absorbed any competent thought. Before he even realized it, tears were running down his cheeks, and his chest heaved with sobs and incoherent words. He didn’t even realize he was babbling all of his thoughts out. He didn’t care.

He cried himself to sleep that night. He wondered if Max felt the same, and it felt like he’d been gutted. It was proper, and he deserved the brief feeling of dread.

Maybe he wanted to disappear.

* * *

Nerris was the first to notice.

Harrison had… mostly begun fearing her. Primarily, Nerris was quick and bold and confident, and she always knew what to say, which was a trait that he only found admirable. It was everything he lacked, and he disliked it. He disliked looking up to someone, because it felt faulty. It felt like a lie.

_ Just like Max,  _ his conscience whispered to him, and Harrison could only seethe to himself at that particular train of thought.  _ You hurt everyone you look up to, or they hurt you. If you become friends with her, it’ll only be a disaster. _

...He actively made an effort to do just that (not becoming friends with her) but naturally, it happened. All of a sudden, Nerris approached him daily like an old friend, even if she’d be a bit ruder than usual, and at one particular moment she didn’t ask for permission. She bounced over, cheerier than usual, and bumped him with her elbow in a motion that was definitely supposed to be playful.

Harrison reacted the opposite. He flinched so violently that he nearly went crashing into one of Dolph’s canvases, hearing the faint protest from the artist and not caring, because  _ holy shit he’d overreacted and Nerris was giving him That Look- _

“Harrison?” She asked, with full concern. Her eyes softened, and she took a step backwards in a way that made herself look smaller. It almost felt practiced, and Harrison didn’t know if he wanted to dwell on it or not.

“S-Sorry!” He apologized quickly, hoping she’d drop it. “Y-You just, uh, surprised me, sorry.” He felt himself blushing, which was embarrassing in itself, and he felt very happy that Nurf wasn’t there to see him freak out over nothing. He’d never hear the end of it.

_ (How many times had Nurf grabbed him roughly, smacked him over the head, laughed at him for something he couldn’t control. It felt familiar, and Harrison could only flinch and stumble, too afraid to speak out for himself-----) _

Nerris’ muscles coil, and she clearly shifts on her balance. Harrison keeps track of every body movement, every little change in her expression. She analyzed the situation, by the looks of it, almost unsure, like she was ready to drop it. Then her eyes flickered to his, and her gaze hardened in stone cold determination.

_ Shit. _

Nerris straightened her posture. “Hmmm… nope!”

“W-What?”

She moved forward calmly, quietly, in a way that didn’t catch Harrison by surprise, and she looped her arm around his. It was soft, it wasn’t cold and detached, it wasn’t a strike or a formal reprimand by a bully tired of his talking. It felt grounding, and he found himself leaning into the touch. Nerris smiled blindingly at him.

“Preston wanted me to go over his script with him!” Nerris chirped, in a way that was so purely hers. For a moment it felt like he’d known her for years, like a sibling he’d never had, and it felt like a comforting squeeze. Not as forcefully energetic as Nikki’s. Just. Nerris. “He wasn’t gonna invite anyone else, but… y’know… you were just kinda standing here, so!”

...He was, and he didn’t even notice it. Oops.

“Um…” Harrison sucked in a long breath, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. His voice still shook with an anxiety that would likely take years to go away. If it ever would, anyway. “Well! Uh, if it won’t make him too mad, I could…”

“It won’t, don't worry!” Nerris dragged him along, not forcefully enough to scare him, and Harrison gave in and followed. “I’m gonna see if I can add more dragons into the script! I wanna play a dragon this time, just you wait…”

* * *

Two hours later, they found themselves watching the sun set. It sent ripples of purple and gold spreading through the lake, reflecting the deep orange sinking sun as it fell into the horizon. It’d be gone soon, and Harrison found himself enjoying the cool breeze. For a moment, maybe, he’d forget everything. Maybe if he squeezed his eyes hard enough and tried with all his might.

“...I had a dog.”

Nerris’ voice almost made him jump out of his skin. He’d skipped dinner to sit out by the lake with her, but with such a tranquil sight he’d almost forgotten the circumstances of being there. He liked the wilderness more than he’d initially thought he would.

Unsure of what to say, Harrison just hummed along, to indicate he was listening.

“It was a few years ago, I think,” Nerris continued onward, “when we got him, he’d always… react badly to touch. Sometimes he’d attack my mom, and she’d only sit there and pet him even when he freaked out. I never knew why, so y’know, I asked, and… she said he had a bad life before we got him. That he only knew bad touch, so it was always how he reacted.”

Harrison blinked at her with awe.

“You kinda move like that, too,” Nerris mumbled, looking anywhere except at his face. “Are your mom and dad…”

Harrison shot up and shook his head wildly. “Oh! Um- oh, no, no. It’s more- I just-” He finally released all of the tension through a long exhale. “...The other kids in school were really mean, I guess? My parents don’t really- y’know, touch me much, so the only people who really did, y’know…”

Nerris softened her eyes in understanding, and for a moment Harrison despised being so weak and awkward. He wanted to be like her one day - flawed, but still calm and understanding beyond that excited, happy persona. Maybe one day he’d find that peace.

“I get it,” Nerris replied, “Some of my friends at school were like that too. Most of the other kids were really mean to me, but… whenever that happened, I’d just tell a teacher! As snitchy as it is, it’s not like I had much popularity anyway.”

Nerris’ eyes scanned him, and Harrison felt his breath hitch. He didn’t express how anxious it made him feel.

“Why didn’t you tell the teachers?”

“T-They, uh, they didn’t really care…” Harrison admitted, closing his eyes and feeling the breeze ruffling his hair. It helped him keep his composure, if only for a moment. “I tried, but- they always… uh, said I was lying… or something… whenever I told my mom and dad, they’d just tell me to fix it.”

“Oh…” Nerris bit her lip and looked away. “Sorry.”

“I-It’s fine. Doesn’t feel too bad.”

“...Yeah.”

They sat in silence for another few minutes, staring out as the moon began to rise. The other campers would probably be up and by the fireplace in less than ten minutes, and Harrison only just felt bad. He didn’t want to leave - not with how at peace he felt in that moment. He wanted it to last forever.

_ (He’d been like this before. Once, when he was younger. _

_ His parents had gotten him out camping with his older brother. Harrison was 7, and his brother, maybe twelve, had snuck him out of the tent in the dead of the night and dragged him cheerfully through the woods. The cool air had felt calm and refreshing, and his brother had smiled brightly at him. _

_ When they’d stopped, there were what looked like hundreds of fireflies swarming around the clearing. Beautiful starry lights, so perfectly in touch, so perfectly in reach. The stars glittered more brightly than ever, the full moon painting the clearing in silver. Harrison’s eyes sparkled. It’d blown his mind, at the age. _

_ “See?” His brother had chirped, excitedly. “No magic could be better than that!” _

_ Harrison had believed him. He’d always believe it - magic was only destruction, after all. That’s what he was good for.) _

“How can I make it better?”

Harrison looked at her as the moon began to rise, stars reflecting off the clear pool of the lake. It felt a lot more eerie than the sunset, but even then it was fitting. Just two best friends sitting under the stars.

“W-What do you mean?” Harrison asked.

“You don’t like touch, and I wanna help!” Nerris replied, determinedly. “I dunno if that’s a bit too much, but we can be slow, and I can help as your new appointed best friend.” She made a gesture that was probably from her roleplayer stuff he'd never understand, and Harrison didn’t even point out she was doing it.

Nerris stood up, putting her hands to her hips.

“I’m willing to wait all summer, if you want! Anything to make it work!”

Harrison’s eyes sparkled. He stared up at her.

Nerris looked down at him with that same impossibly determined expression, powerful and unwavering, and then all of a sudden, the powerful and regal body language was gone. She held one hand out, blushing with embarrassment, and forced a smile nonetheless.

“I mean, if you want!”

Harrison stared at her hand, unsure.

_ (Did he want it? Had he ever wanted something so much? _

_ There was no use dwelling on the past anymore.) _

He looked up at Nerris, who was blushing profusely and smiling through the pain of the situation. Something on her face was pleading, but she was doing her best to mask it. She made it his decision, she made it about him, and Harrison couldn’t say the same about anyone else he’d ever met.

Internally, he took the key, fumbling around with it and preparing himself for the coming shitstorm. If it meant happiness, if it meant not fixing but controlling, if it meant having a best friend, he’d be ready to face the quarrels head on.

He’d be willing to bring the confidence back.

Harrison took her hand.

**Author's Note:**

> hi
> 
> my tumblr's @qolden-skies btw


End file.
